A Sticky Face Is a Glowing Face.

I think I’ve established that I’m basically a product whore  lover. On a recent lunchtime trip to Shoppers Drug Mart, K was trying to pick out a new conditioner, and everything she picked up I said I tried, and yay or nay. She’s now worried for me and my bank account, and possibly my sanity? I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. So in an effort to save my bank account, I have taken a more natural, DIY approach to my skincare.

It’s been three weeks since I have been using a lemon honey mask, and my face looks glowy! My skin already hurt people’s eyes when in direct sunlight, but now they are blinded. I like to think it’s my beauty, but let’s be realistic. I am one pale wonder. The lemon in the mask actually helps you circulation, and to brighten your skin, while the honey acts as an antioxidant, getting rid of those pesky pimples, and any other contamination. For a week now, I’ve been using it on Boyfriend’s troubled skin, and he’s showing signs of improvement!

So here we go:

Honey Lemon Mask:

1 part lemon juice, 1 part honey

Mix until it’s the consistency of cough syrup, and apply to face with a cotton ball. Let that sucker sit for 20 minutes, and they say try not to talk, but that’s impossible for me. I was once asked to take a 10 day vow of silence by my enlightened older brother, and I couldn’t even last 10 minutes. Verbal diarrhea is one of my many talents! As well as origami, but that’s a whole other post. Now rinse! How amazing do you feel? Pretty goddess like right? It’s ok John, you can try it and feel like a goddess too.

Enjoy!

V xo

P.S. You can totally use this over your entire body, but you may have to stand still on a tarp in the middle of your living room for 20 minutes. In that case, I hope you live alone or with your partner. Could get awkward with roommates. Like the time in college, where I boycotted pants and made everyone else do the same. Nothing sexual.

I Can’t Walk Today…Because Of Kettle Bells!!

This is Christine Zane. She is my inspiration, and her hubby Frank, is boyfriend’s! They are a fantastic couple with a great outlook on health and fitness, and they have also written quite a few books on the subject. We have a signed copy. No big deal. (it’s a big deal)

Bet your mind went elsewhere with that title…didn’t it? Well let me tell you a little something about my recent workouts. They hurt. But man do they give me the results I strive for. My most recent self inflicted punishment  workout involves a 20 lb kettle bell, and all of my willpower.

Basically, by the end of the workout you will have done about 150 squats, and your thighs will burn like the heat of a thousand suns! But it’s worth it. I promise. I have developed this strange obsession with sculpting my body, and it’s all boyfriend’s fault. Do you know how guilty I feel when I eat reese’s?! I feel like I killed 7 puppies and baked them into pies. It’s terrible. Sometimes I wish that I knew nothing about nutrition and working out, but I’m glad that I do, seeing as my body is nice and firm! You could bounce a quarter off of my butt! Could be dangerous though, it might ricochet and hit you in the eye.

And this would be Frank Zane. Delicious right?? That’s basically what boyfriend looks like including that beard. I’m fine with it. 

Anyway, this chick on YouTube showed me how, and though it doesn’t look like it’s that big of a deal, it’s a great workout, and it only takes about a half an hour to complete. It’s designed to work every muscle in your body, and because functional workouts are best, this one tones like crazy. I choose not to rest between sets, so that I get my heart rate up, and keep it there, which is the only way to burn calories. Please don’t start off with a 20 lb weight though. My goal is to make you feel the burn, not to dislocate your shoulders. Mind your form, because, it’s so easy to hurt and pull major muscle groups when you’re sloppy. I should know, I threw my lower back out a year ago, and I couldn’t even walk for a solid month. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to try and stand up off the toilet, only to not be able to stand and pull your pants up? I ended up in the fetal position on the floor, pants around my ankles, and crying for boyfriend to come and help me. He picked me up, pulled my pants up, all while laughing so hard he was crying. I just cried. No big deal.

So check out this great video, and try doing this 4 times a week with an hour of cardio thrown in on an off day. My little belly is shrinking steadily, and though I can barely walk, but my legs look fantastic!

Keep Going!!

You’re getting there! Are you angry at me yet? You will be…

And fini! Feel free throw up, or sling insults at me for the pain I have brought to your life. Love you.

And there you have it! Don’t think I’m crazy yet? I’m upping the weight to 25 pounds next week. Keep in mind I’m 5’4, and 130 lbs of pure muscle and awesomeness! And fat. Never have zero percent body fat. That’s just asking for mood swings, and no boobs. Please try it! It’s actually a lot of fun, and you can do this with a workout buddy and push each other further. Enjoy your new bodies, ladies.

Check out My Oh My Tv for a ton of workout videos and inspiration! Also, go visit Frank and Christine Zane, and buy their books! Seriously, these two are amazing and still look fantastic. I hope I’m still that sexy when I’m their age.

V xo

You Know That One? Yeah. Let’s Talk About THAT One.

We all know her. That one girl that always seems to get herself entwined in your new relationship (not on purpose). That one that lurks in the shadows of the past, just waiting to pounce! Or so it seems. Maybe it’s the way we women are wired, or maybe it’s not just us. Men seem to have this problem too. Is it all in our heads? Are we punishing each other for misdeeds that happened when our hearts were young and tender?

I have a theory. Everyone clings to someone or something  from their past until they’re content with the person that they meet in the present. It’s hard to let go of good memories, and look at them as just that. A memory. Nothing more, nothing less. Instead the mistake of mentioning the past, and getting a glint in the eye is made time and time again, and people are hurt, and become paranoid that the second the lurker of the past re-emerges. Then boom! We’re done, capoot, fini, gonzo! Don’t you just want to pop her little head off and punt it into a pit of fire that burns hotter than a thousand suns?!

This should be an Olympic sport! A la 50 shades of vintage doily love. That’s a thing, right?? Vintage doily love? We really love doilies.

Ah but this is not the case my lovelies! The truth is, we’re afraid of letting ourselves be loved and love completely. I can’t tell you how much I fought falling in love with boyfriend when we first met, out of fear that he wouldn’t feel the same or hurt me. You have to trust your instincts and realize that until you can trust yourself wholeheartedly, you can’t trust or love another. Finally I let myself fall, and I’ve never looked back. Now he’s boyfriend of 3 years, or so, I don’t know we don’t count, and I’m aglow with happiness.

What brought this on you ask? Oh just a little thing called paranoid girlfriends texting me in a panic because an ex was brought up, or a girl whom they’ve always suspected had a crush on their man. My god! I read this dribble thinking to myself, just stop. Stop thinking about who he could be with, and realize he chose you for a reason! That girl has been there forever, and they had their chance! Eff her and her ass length curly hair, her perfectly manicured toes and her fake British accent. He belongs to you! And if you can’t trust his judgement, maybe you should look in the mirror and say: WTF self esteem? Don’t fail me now! Even though, you’re probably PMSing. If you are pmsing, do yourself a favor and cry over a pint of Chunky Monkey, and release that tension.

I would like to drink beer in the river with Boyfriend! His beard would smell funny afterward though. That’s minus 5 points. 

What have we learned? Trust! Trust yourself, trust him, and trust your gut. Don’t lurk, don’t check up, don’t question. Be his best friend, laugh with him, argue about stupid things like socks under the coffee table, and always kiss each other good night. I guarantee that you’ll feel better, and he’ll gravitate toward you. I hate seeing nagging girlfriends, because I know it’s just a matter of time before he goes and does something stupid. Know what boyfriend said? If a girl keeps on accusing a guy of cheating, or performing whichever horrible misdeed she can think up, the more he’ll be inclined to just go do it. May as well actually be blamed about something you actually did! He has a beard, so I believe him.

So stop being effing retarded, and making us cool girls, ahem K and I, look bad. Be super cool and you’ll have a super cool awesomely amazing relationship. With yourself and your man. And remember, you’re super cool, so if he does something stupid, then obviously, he’s not worth your time. And he clearly rides a short bus named Dale. I saw one once.

He’s not impressed with you either. And Corgis are the wizards of the dog world. 

V xo love you

Ps. Super cool is the phrase of the day. So just chill the eff out.

Weekend “Hipsy” Threads

Both V and I are feeling oh-so-uninspired to write today. A good time to do an outfit post. Weekend threads! But I have a confession… the last outfit I wore today… at work. It’s probably not entirely office appropriate but maybe I just felt like continuing the weekend in some small infinitesimal way. SUE ME.

V said I went from “Hippy to Gypsy” this weekend, so “Hipsy” is the theme here. In honor of my gypsy-ness today – I channeled my girl Stevie Nicks and sang this tune at the top of my lungs on repeat all the way to work. If I had to listen to one song on repeat until the day I die, this would be a big contender.

Gypsy – Fleetwood Mac

Stevie Nicks is an effing fashion icon and music legend. I have a strange obsession with her, and on more than one occasion have found myself doing a google image search of her for no particular reason. Creepy? Maybe.

Long flowing skirts and sleeves, boots, vests, chiffon scarves and a ton of lacey, sheer layers characterize Stevie’s look. Watch for some thread posts in the future inspired by Stevie. Without further adieu, here are the things that are making me happy today, aside from one large mug of coffee.

Thrifted DIY Levi’s Shorts, Geode Slice Necklace ByMisty, Chunky Drape Collar Vest from The Gap, Cotton Spandex Jersey Tank Thong from American Apparel, Thrifted Scarf

20120723-090923.jpg

Ecote Embellished Strappy Silky Dress from Urban Outfitters, Necklace from Urban Outfitters, Chunky Knit Vest from Old Navy, Bracelets were a gift from Nepal and thrifted from Nana 🙂

Yes, we work for a footwear company.

Coye Nokes feather embellished T-straps, H&M dress

I’m tempted to open with “Autumn is just around the corner” – but let’s be honest, we still have a bit of July, and all of August, and I’m really not ready to admit that cold weather could be anywhere near us. At all. What I am ready to do is start shopping for Autumn atire – because I’m an online shopping whore. That I can admit. 

If you’re like V and I (Me and V? …Mom!?), you’ve already figured out that the  lovely pastels that you rocked this summer won’t work too well come the fall – not without a bit of styling. I present you with some fall colour trends for 2012 and a little inspiration to help you while you build your autumn wardrobe.  

Source: Pantone Fashion Color Report

Yes, V and I work at a footwear company. With all of the inside industry information I get on a daily basis, I thought it might be nice to focus this post on footwear trends for the upcoming fall season.

Swedish Hasbeens – Boot

Mustard is a popular hue for the fall, especially for your feet. Pair these with a rich brown skirt or pants and a smart, fitted blazer for work.

I can’t spare the love for the men out there. Yea, I know you’re reading this – probably because I demanded it and I’m standing behind you breathing over your shoulder. But that’s neither here nor there. Rich english pub browns, navys, hermes orange, and urban greys light up the fall footwear palette this fall. The penny loafer doesn’t seem like it will go out of style ever, so just get yourself a pair, alright man? please?

Another classic: the Mary Jane. Old school charm and a fresh autumn color palette will dominate the market this fall for ladies…

Braided and woven details on leather boots will look great with a pair of skinny jeans or a cute floral dress.

ALDO ‘Fastrost’ Boot Ecote Tall Braid Boot from UO

Keep in mind glitter and sparkle on your footwear is still totally rad this season dude. Not to mention metallic hardware details and embellishments. Dark shades of blue and navy deepen the “neutral” category as well.

Van Dal Toledo Leather Loafers / Joan High-top Sneakers

I could go on and on, but then you might never come back. Have fun with your footwear this fall. Try out some of these new colours and embellishments in a classic style. Relish in the details. Now is not the time to play it safe.

K

Images c/o Footwear Plus

My Spare Time Goes Into Figuring Out How To Be Taller.

Are you short? Yeah me too. My only saving grace is the fact that I have mile long gams. I sometimes throw on a full skirt, and get completely engulfed in it, but I never realize it because, well, I don’t own a full length mirror. So I tromp off to work thinking I look like a supermodel, only to get there, and catch a glimpse of a 6 year old wearing makeup. Like, come on! This has fueled me into doing copious amounts of research..ahem 2 hours..and figuring out how to dress taller! Yay! I cracked the case…or all women stalk did. I just had the nifty skills to look through it and figure out what would work for me.

Look how long your legs would look! And how tiny the waist looks!

High waisted pants. They’re all over the place right now, and they’ll be in full force this fall. I know, I know. Mom jeans come to mind, but this is not the case! Pleated fronts and giant bums are totally 90’s, and instead we are met with a chic, flat front skinny or cigarette pant, that flatters the figure and makes your legs look a mile long! Pair these bad boys with some schmexy heels, and bazinga! You’re an amazonian goddess! Do watch yourself with the wide legged pants though. They look spectacular on tall women, but us shorties get lost in all that fabric.

Tall and sexy? Coulda fooled me!

Heels! I love them. They make me feel like I’m on the catwalk, and don’t lie, we all pretend to be. The only reason K and I don’t wear them at work is because they make too much noise, and I for one, like to sneak around like a ninja. But this must change! When picking out a pair of heels, stay away from ankle straps. They cut the leg at a funny place, and make you look stumpy, really vetoing the whole reason behind wearing them in the first place. Not into heels? S’ok! Get some pointed flats. They draw the leg line out, and if you need to kick a burglar, it’ll pack more of a punch.

Don’t Do this. Never ever do this. Where did her body even go? Narnia?

Sigh, this is the worst part for me. Know those flowy tops that are everywhere? Yeah…they don’t work. Too much fabric, not enough person. Billowy tops make us look like we’re wearing a moomoo. My bf has been telling me this since day one, but I always told myself “Pffft he has a beard. What the hell does he know about fashion?” Turns out, even though he has a beard, he has eyes, and he was right. (Please don’t tell him. I’ll never hear the end of it) Those shirts make short thin girls look like they’re hiding something. A gun? A baby bump? A baguette? Who knows. Instead opt for fitted shirts, and don’t be afraid of tucking! These aren’t your mom’s clothes, and tucking makes you look skinny and tall! Pair with a skinny belt and voila! Bonjour miss Hepburn! (Stay away from large belts, unless your name is Xena, or Hercules)

She may not have been that short, but doesn’t she look super tall? Take after her ladies, she knew what was what.

Lesson learned? Please ditch the garments that don’t fit you…I beg! I’m currently clearing out my wardrobe, which is painful, but guess what? I have no clothes left so I have to go shopping! I’m so sad about that. Have fun! And remember, I’m always right…about everything. I knew all along that those shirts made me look big, I swear.

V xo

P.s Thanks All Women Stalk! You are fantastic!

I’m Pretty Much A Fitness Guru

Hi! My very good friend has asked me for help to lose some extra wobbly bits, and I was more than happy to oblige. The workout descriptions were kind of a jumbled mess of words, but since I’m going over there to demonstrate, I didn’t feel it necessary to explain myself too much.

Basically, for women, if you do a circuit each day, the pound will melt away, and you’ll be toned and feel good. I don’t mean going to a gym and using every machine at least once. That doesn’t work. Period. Do 12 reps of each exercise 3 times. Start from the bottom up, so, essentially: Butt, legs, back, shoulder, arms, cardio intervals, abs. And voila! Noticed how I started with the largest muscle groups?! That’s because they burn the most calories.

Anyway, here is an exert of my friend Vanessa’s Super Sweet Workout Plan!:

You don’t have to follow this religiously, but do try to stick to your guns. Try variations of these meals to suit what you like, and make sure it’s a lifestyle change that you’re ready to adapt basically forever. Don’t cut out anything that you absolutely can’t live without, and remember some cheat meals are ok, so that you don’t pull a shotgun out at 7/11!

This is basically how my days go:

Breaky (8am) : ¼ cup oatmeal, tbsp peanut butter. Blueberry green tea (A delicious variation is to add cinnamon, splenda, dried cranberries, and apple slices. Basically the oatmeal is key. It’s easy to digest, and those silly quaker oat people are right, as in it does help control your weight)

Snacky (10:30am): Half a scoop of Isoflex Peach Chiller protein powder, and about a cup and a half of water. The water level can vary depending on your taste. It honestly doesn’t affect the benefits.

Lunch (12:00pm): Can of deliciously flavoured tuna, either a pico di gaio, a salad, or veggies for dipping with hummus, an apple, and sometimes 10 rice crackers. Load up with as many greens as possible! Your greens portion can be huge, but just make sure that the meat portion is controlled.

Snacky #2 (3pm): A low glycemic fruit, such as, an apple, berries (don’t you dare add cream), pears, figs, or peaches. Sometimes I have cucumbers just on their own or with a little bit of pepper and vinegar.

Dinner (6pm): Half of a chicken breast and a big salad with low sodium salad dressing. You can do a ton of things though! Sometimes I like to stuff red peppers with diced chicken, peppers, jalapenos, and a bit of couscous to hold it together. Top it with salsa and it’s delicious! I know I said couscous, but make sure it’s only a little. You really, really want to limit carbs to earlier in the day, so that you have time to digest and work them off. This whole day doesn’t sound like a lot, but because you eat 6 times, you feel full. Also, don’t eat past 8pm maximum. No snacking with tv unless it’s cucumber or celery.

Also, no more pop. Diet pop is just as bad as that sugary stuff,  even though it says it isn’t. It harbours a bunch of sodium. I drink one pop a week. That’s it. And it’s always a coke zero. The rest of the time it’s either tea or water. You would be surprised at how much weight you can lose just from cutting out sugary drinks. Water helps you flush your body and will keep any bloat down too! Crystal light is also not an option. Sorry lovey!

V xo

PS. Don’t judge me. I tend to hang onto my childhood terminology for certain things. I still say Daddy.